With Every Passing Day
Sometimes I wonder, with each passing day, if what I do matters. I wake up to the smell of coffee, open the lid of my laptop, check for incoming tasks, and take on whatever that comes for the day.
Some days, I’m an obedient daughter, to my parents, to God.
Some days, I’m a good sister.
Some days, I’m a designer with a creative block.
Some days, I’m a patient friend.
Some days, I’m a student who has no clue on what’s in store in the future.
What does it take to bring meaning to what I do?
I’ve just returned from a one month trip of work. I brought some work home too. I have fun with what I do, and by the end of the day, I’m too tired to continue that unfinished book. Or that unfinished song. I can’t even finish one late-night movie. I barely have time to meet up with friends. I almost forgot to submit the designs for the church T-shirt. And then my computer was reformatted and I had to redesign the whole thing again.
I like what I do, don’t get me wrong. I enjoy exploring new ideas and making them come true. There are so many possibilities here, and unlike back in university, there aren’t any political narrow-minded people to stop what we want to do. Yes, we. I have an awesome team. All good to go. We plan, sketch, plan again, criticize, design, brainstorm, and have lots of fun along the way. We don’t believe in thinking out of the box. We define the box.
At that moment – I believe I could achieve anything. I know I can achieve so much more.
But what is more?
Does creating the biggest street party in KL fulfil that?
What about scoring well in my studies?
Does playing every week in praise and worship count?
Marry a rich man and make my mom happy? (Ok, that was a joke)
One word echoes in my head: God.
If anything, God is not just a mere excuse that we can use to get away with things we cannot explain. It’s not that easy to use His name. It’s not that easy to become His child. I can write a whole list of the good things He’s done for me and yet, I blame Him at the slightest foul ups in my life.
And for what is worth, God doesn’t screw up. Sometimes we look at ourselves and wonder why we are what we are today. He’s not an excuse to what we think we lack, because very often we don’t see him as a reason to what we have either.
I always think that I need one big break to give an explosive effect in summarizing what I’m here for. Maybe come up with a cure for cancer. Or redefine the meaning of design in the world. Or create a giant filter to give humankind clean air for once. Or come up with a hundred albums of Christian songs to fill up people’s iPods. Or convert 100 people a day.
I have dreams I want to fulfil. But I know, no matter what I do, there will always be an empty void deep within if I don’t figure out how to create a balance between my capabilities and God’s. Perhaps there are some things that I need to redefine, and start to be less afraid of being who I really am. Be straightforward and let people know I dislike them judging me for the things I have done or didn’t do. I realize that most of the time, we mistake people’s expectations as God’s.
I’m writing all over the place – the consequences of too many thoughts coming at once. I have more to say, but I think it’ll cause more mess in your thoughts. I don’t want to do that. I guess I’ll just stop here.
My dear brothers and sisters, forgive me for this long and seemingly aimless entry.
But I have a feeling that at some point, among those random thoughts, we’ll all feel the same way.
I guess, all I can do is try. Hoping that with each trial I attempt, regardless of failing or succeeding, I’ll grow to become someone who can, at the end of the day, stand up and say, “Hey, I did it. Thank You, Lord.”
This is probably the most personal entry from me. Indulge.
I think it’s interesting that as we get older, and I believe this whole stage of self-fulfillment starts during our teenage years. We’re all very interested at making something of ourselves, either to know or to convince ourselves that we have one thing: value.
For each person, the amount of value of a particular element is always different, hence it’s possible that two people can differ on what the price of something should be. In this context, perhaps for you, design, creative arts is an outlet where you see that you can create value.
So what creates more value? For me, in this instance, it is easy to put God in. Whenever God decides to add himself into something, the value of that ’something’ increases tenfold. Of course, they key thing here is that God is in the equation of things, when He’s not, what value can there really be?
Example, Planet Shakers Concert = fun, excitement & hype.
Planet Shakers Concert + God’s Presence = A unique experience with God that changes lives
I don’t have to tell you which one has more value.
I believe all of us want to achieve more, in the same manner that you do, to make better use of ourselves and achieve greater things. There are passions that we have and we all want to use it to make something big.
At the end of it, God knows how to make that ’something big’ or something ‘more’. That’s where we need to surrender our passions to Him and trust God for the best outcome because at the end of everything, God always has the best.
Sometimes it seems that we push ourselves hard with what we feel so strongly about because we feel that if we don’t beat ourself to the ground doing it, we won’t achieve it, literally taking the expression, no pain, no gain to something higher than face value.
Nonetheless, sometimes God purposely allows us to be in the nonsensical, difficult spots that make our passions harder to follow. In times like that, it makes us want to fight against it, sometimes not wanting to accept where we are, and we simply dread being where we are (happens to me).
However, these are the specific grounds that God’s put in place to mold us, shape us into the greatest men and women that we can be. When that happens, with God given passions and strongly built men or women of God, really cool things can start to happen.
One thing crucial is for us to surrender our passions, and our dreams to God and let Him take control over them, particularly the destiny of these dreams and passions. Because at the end, if our passions our simply for ourselves only, a void is always there, because we can never satisfy ourselves. History and current trends prove it, humans always want something more and are never satisfied.
When our passions seek something bigger than ourselves, when they seek to glorify God. That something ‘more’ will happen and there will be a sense of joy and contentment to it.
Just getting back to the first sentence though, every day we make history, and every day what we do matters at the very least to the Person who matters the most.
Yeah, so that’s it, pretty long, but yeah… just my thoughts on the whole thing.
Aimless entry?
Not at all…
Indulge?
Absolutely…
probably one of the things we find so hard to overcome is this: we all want to do BIG things.
we think our calling has to be BIG. it has to impact liveS. our passions need to be put into a mega project? we think Paul, we think Moses. and we want to be like them.
but we don’t think of Zacchaeus. Jesus asked him to come down from that tree and invite Him to his house. and that’s his calling. just that.
i believe that our personalities, characters are gifts themselves(sometimes, we overlook that little fact)…
the words we speak to anyone, every day, are big enough impacts. maybe a pleasant instead of a grumpy i-have-a-bad-day-so-you-better-give-me-my-coffee-and-no-further-questions-thank-you tone makes a difference.
maybe someone is so frustrated and all he needs is just ten minutes from you to listen to him rant.
maybe TIME is the one gift that is given to EVERY SINGLE person (busyness takes away a whole big chunk of it, no doubt), and that’s the easiest, most direct, yet most fulfilling way to serve Him.
Matthew 25:40: “The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’
maybe we can stop THINKING of the big things, and start DOING the small acts.